Being a teacher doesn’t come with many “perks” with the exception of one…and it’s a big one: summers off. Having the summer off has been the ultimate “me” time, at least before having a child that is, and it’s glorious. However, there comes a point, usually in the first few days of August, where the reality that the summer is ending starts to creep in and it just starts weighing on then back of you mind. From this point on it’s just there, and it only gets stronger, burrowing deeper in. This is where I am now.

I have been off for over 2 months, and now have just one week left on my leave, a fact that unfortunately I simply can no longer ignore, and a fact that is just profoundly sad. The end of the summer is always disappointing, but so be it – you enjoyed your vacation, now back to work. This is a totally different feeling – this isn’t about not wanting to go back to work, it’s about what I’ll be missing in doing so. It’s a feeling similar to being on the wrong side of a break-up: it’s hard to stomach that someone else is going to get to spend the days with her instead of me. I’m sure that once I get back I’ll adjust, but I guess that feels like something that’s sad in its own right.

As far as preparing myself to go back to school goes, this means mentally preparing myself to deal with some significant issues that have arisen since I’ve been out. Unfortunately, the last few weeks have been particularly difficult both specifically at my school, and on the national scale when it comes to high school, and I’ve been fortunate to have something else much more positive to focus my attention on. It really is remarkable how long you can just stare at a happy baby. It really has been a welcome escape from news, politics, and what has generally been a pretty rough news cycle these days.

All this said, this feels by far to be my least pointed and most rambling entry on here to date; I realize at this point that the reason for this is that the issue being dealt with isn’t about Maddie, but rather is more about me. The fact that I was able to take all this time off was spectacular for multiple reasons, and it let me become completely absorbed in staying home with Madison…for better or worse. I know I’ve gone down the rabbit hole a bit; I haven’t been as productive of late as I was at the start of leave, and I definitely have not been as good at reaching out/communicating with friends as I should’ve been; this time was about spending time with Madison and I definitely did that. That said, a big part of life – especially now and going forward – is establishing balance, and it’s something that will be an interesting, and necessary experience. So much of the focus is on the firsts for the baby, and about the baby in general, that it can become very easy to ignore the changes we go through on our own. I’ve spent the majority of my time writing on here about the good things, and frankly the grand majority of things have been exceptionally good. However, the adult-life aspects of everything is definitely difficult – maintaining relationships definitely takes more effort, and even just my wife and I making time for each other without Madison sometimes. This is all something that’s very new still, and is only going to get harder once we’re both back at work, let alone as Maddie gets older.

Yes, I’m fully aware that this is rambling at best, but that’s where my mind is at right now; it’s just really hard to wrap my mind around the fact that period of time is already coming to an end. I guess I suppose going back to work isn’t the worst thing in the world – it will be good to have some idea as to what day of the week it is again.